In other words, we walk in somebody’s shoes as if their reality is our reality – but of course it’s not our reality, and that’s where the ‘as if’ comes in. "Empathy the ability to ‘perceive the internal frame of reference of another with accuracy and with the emotional components and meanings which pertain thereto as if one were the person, but without ever losing the 'as if' conditions." And empathy is not a one-way transaction. This keys right into empathy, because it’s about building that empathic relationship with the client. You paraphrase it down.Īnd if you do that accurately and correctly, and it matches where the client is, the client is going to recognise that and to feel heard: ‘ Finally, somebody is there really listening, really understanding what it is that I am bringing.’ The client brings their material, daring to share that with you.Īnd you show that you’re listening by giving them a little portion of that back – the part that feels the most important. How does paraphrasing affect the client-counsellor relationship?įirst of all, it helps the client to feel both heard and understood. Online and Telephone Counselling Course.Counselling Theory in Practice – Textbook.Importance of Modality and Medium in Choosing a Supervisor. Your readership and support help make our content and outreach possible. To support our mission of providing ADHD education and support, please consider subscribing. She is the author of five books on ADHD and the creator of the on-demand course, How to Parent ADHD: 5 Steps to the Relationship You Want with Your ADHD Child. Merriam Sarcia Saunders, LMFT, is a licensed psychotherapist working with parents who have children with ADHD. Read: Don’t Freak Out! And 13 More Rules for Navigating Teen Behavior Challenges.Read: “When Fixing His Problems Didn’t Fix Anything, I Finally Learned to Listen.”.Download: Questions to Get Your Child Talking.I’m really impressed by how you’re handling it.” For a teen who struggles (and let’s face it: what teen doesn’t?), knowing you’re her ally, confidante, and biggest cheerleader can be the best scaffold in the world. You might say, “Thanks for including me as you think this through. Remember to acknowledge her thoughtfulness, as praise is scarce for many teens who have ADHD. If her response is a sigh and an eyeroll, show your reflective listening with responses like, “I get it. But don’t be surprised if she resists answering your questions. Walking alongside her as she thinks about and solves her own problems is far more powerful, and supportive of a growth mindset, than is solving the problems for her.
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